You Came For Me

I feel like 10,000 BC doesn't get enough credit for what it is.

People say that it's unoriginal and overdone.

So? Isn't that the point of the movie anyway? It was billed as


the love story that began all love stories,

The very first epic.

And if you watch it in that kind of light, it's kind of beautiful, isn't it?

Here's a little background for this post: I've been assigned to memorize 3 poems for my English 292 class. In doing this, I've decided to use music to help me. I listened to a song over and over and over again, turned up so that it blocked out all noise, even the sound of my voice in my head, and then would repeat the poem over and over until I could do it without looking.

One of the songs I used to memorize was THIS SONG (Go ahead and click on the link and listen, please. It will help me prove my point here). This gave me a lot of time to listen to this song and think about what it really represented to the movie.

For those of you terrible people who DIDN'T click on my link, it's the song "You Came For Me" from the very end of the movie.

But we'll come back to that. First of all, I want to talk about the movie in general.

The love story. Agh. I don't know if I can actually get through this first part of the post without gushing completely. Evolet and D'Leh meet as young children and share the following conversation:

D'Leh: Do you see that light? That one. It does not move across the sky like all the others do. That light is like you in my heart--it will never go away.

Evolet: It will never go away?

D'Leh: No. Never.

But the complication in this is that Evolet cannot be his unless D'Leh proves himself the best hunter in the tribe. They face the prospect of never being together, and they still love each other hopelessly--the kind of love that cannot be helped or stopped. The kind of love that inspires hope even when others cannot see it.

However, the big hunt comes around and, through a bit of trickery, D'Leh proves himself the best hunter and wins the White Spear and Evolet. But his guilt overcomes him and he gives the spear back. D'Leh protests when Evolet is angry with him, saying that he didn't want the White Spear through trickery. He says that they can still find a way to be together, and she replies, quite poignantly:

"but still. you gave me up."

Then ensues her capture and the long journey that D'Leh takes to rescue Evolet and the rest of his people.

There are just a couple of things that I pulled out of this movie for myself.

"A good man draws a circle around himself and cares for those within. His woman. His children. Other men draw a larger circle and bring within their brothers and sisters. But some men have a great destiny. They must draw around themselves a circle that includes many, many more. Your father was one of those men. You must decide for yourself, whether you are, as well."

The first time I heard this, it took me completely aback. I thought: wow. What kind of woman am I? I mean, obviously, as a woman I still face this kind of choice. I can live my life and care for my family members and still be regarded highly. I can care for my extended family as well and feel noble. But is this what the Lord wants from me? Or does my destiny involve drawing a circle that includes more than that--ward members, neighbors, co-workers, friends? Maybe even those I don't know.

Lesson #1: I must never be too selfish to see my opportunities to expand my circle and care for others.

The second lesson was the one that hit me the hardest.

D'Leh traveled across the mountains, through the plains, and over the desert to find Evolet. He braved the wrath of terrible beasts, befriended nations of strange people, and killed a god.

As he finally runs towards Evolet, she is shot and killed.

As he holds her in his arms, she whispers to him, over and over,

"You came for me"

And then she dies.

This part for me, is more hopeless and heartbreaking than any other scene in any movie I've ever seen. (Except Seven Pounds...but that's different)

You've invested yourself in this love story for an hour and a half!! Waited and hoped for Evolet and D'Leh to be together. And now what? They can never be together? I always cry.


"To have journeyed so far...
...to have walked to the end of the world....
...to bring down the one they called the Almighty...
...only to return without Evolet...
This was not what Old Mother had foretold."

But, dear reader, the happily ever after comes. Old Mother gives her life for Evolet and D'Leh gets to be with her. They return home and live happily.

Back to the video I linked to. This song plays in the background while the above quote is said. This song, for some reason, is very vividly colored in my head. Very emotional. Very poignant. I feel like I should be able to tell you really what this song does for me, but ultimately, I cannot.

Lesson #2: don't lose hope. true love does exist. and you can have it. and also--never underestimate the emotional power of a death scene followed by a reunion scene.

Now....I'm finally done. And I feel a little...silly? I don't know. I guess for me, love is something that God has given us, and it's one of the only things that we get to have for eternity. Why would you not travel to the end of the earth for it? Why would you not mourn as if your heart had been torn into pieces for it? Why can God not bring it back for you?

I suppose what I'm trying to say is....

Believe in love.

A Kit Kat

Isn't it funny how such a little thing can completely de-moralize you?

Meet the Kit Kat I've been saving since Christmas Break, for a super special occasion. Well, I suppose this isn't that Kit Kat...cuz I ate that Kit Kat about five minutes ago.

Was it a super special occasion? No. Was it a moment when I felt like I could use a pick-me-up? Yes.

Was it that moment that I'd been waiting for? No. Definitely no.

You have to understand something. Kit Kats are my favorite besides Pretzel M&M's. And I don't eat a lot of candy, really. So a Kit Kat is a big deal. No--a huge deal. I ate all of the others I had in my stocking early on, but when I realized I had only one Kit Kat...I saved it and told myself that I'd eat it on a particularly "rainy day".

I've been thinking a lot about what situations I would eat it in...maybe after my first test....maybe when I finish memorizing all three of my poems for English 292....maybe after I finish fasting on Sunday....or maybe I'll just keep it around and eat it at the moment I feel is right.

Yeah, I understand that I'm psychotic and silly. But bear with me, I have an actual application for this silly story.

Long story short, I was cleaning my desk and shelf up today, and noticed that the Kit Kat was the only item still left in my Ziploc bag I brought home. I thought for a second about the Kit Kat and its sacredness...and then my mind started wandering. Without really thinking about it, I picked up the Kit Kat and opened it and took a bite out of it.

I was sort of horrified when I realized what I had done. Seriously. This is a big deal. I mean, yeah, today hasn't been the greatest day of my life, I've felt uncomfortable and discouraged and overwhelmed and homesick, but I definitely could have lived without that Kit Kat.

And then the thought came to me that....maybe my success in life is directly related to how long I can go without the Kit Kat...

I mean, I know it wasn't intentional, but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. I can't get the Kit Kat back, and at the precise moment when I think: "This is a Kit Kat  moment!" I'll be disappointed in myself when I remember that it's gone.

I once heard that if you fail in the little things, you'll fail in the big things.

I don't suppose that it means anything to anyone else. No one will be disappointed in me because I ate my Kit Kat at an inadequately special time...but I am disappointed in myself.

One of  my very favorite books, Matched by Allie Condie deals with this same type of situation. Each member of their society is given a little green tablet that will calm them down when they feel overly anxious or nervous. The main character, Cassia, is overjoyed at the immense responsibility that comes with carrying her own green tablet, and is excited about the different situations in which she might choose to take this tablet. But her grandfather says to her:

"I wouldn't take that tablet Cassia, not for a report, and perhaps not ever. You are strong enough to go without it...." 

this is one of the central ideas to the story--through all of the hardships that Cassia endures, she never once takes the green tablet. She tells herself that she will wait for the opportune moment--the moment of absolute, dire need, and she never ends up needing it. She says to herself,


"Grandfather thinks I'm strong enough to go without."

And through her own will-power and faith, she is.

Why was I not strong enough to go without my Kit Kat? What other things in my life am I unable to go without simply because I do not have the strength to push against their influence?

And with this train of thought comes a resolution. I will resist--I will be strong and NOT eat my Kit Kats before the right time (Literal and Figurative--stay with me here). I will be exactly the kind of person I admire.

Because...what could be sadder than this sitting on your desk?

Rachel is Going?

In case my web address has ever made anyone curious, this is the post where I explain all of that.

I totally meant for the address and the name of my blog to go together...so...like this:

Rachel is going....There and Back Again....

Like...on a journey! I'll admit, there was a bit of Bilbo Baggins running through my mind as I named my blog. His story frightened and intrigued me almost at the same time.

"It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step on the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no telling where you might be swept off to."


I think life is like that a lot. Every single thing that you do limits and defines your next set of choices. Every time you go out your door, you risk almost everything.

Seriously! You never know what might happen to you. The whole world is possible. That excites and frightens me at the same time.

Along those same lines, I connected tremendously with Samwise Gamgee.

"If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest away from home I've ever been."

Is that not also true? I feel like High School could be compared to running on a treadmill. You're running and running but never really going anywhere. Along those same lines, College could be compared to running in a forest. Every time you take a step, you're leaving familiar ground in favor of something new. Really.

In High School, the most exciting and new thing that ever happened to me was a pep rally. Maybe a bad break-up.

In College, those things are low on the excitement scale. Just this weekend, I went to a free Superhero dance on campus, I conducted an experiment on Termites, I walked three or four miles around Provo for no reason, I got a new roommate, a letter from a Missionary, and I got to go to FHE with my French Professor and his family on Monday. People around me get Mission Calls to crazy countries (Sierra Leone, Africa, Moscow, Russia and Nagoya, Japan, for example) all the time, and I interact with people who have served in equally crazy countries (Uruguay and Ireland and London, for example).

Yeah. Definitely new ground being covered here.

The theme here that I'm trying to focus on in my life is the journey of it all.

It's direly important that no one ever forgets that life is a journey. Life is not a sit-down kind of thing. It is not a leisure activity that one may pick up and put down at will. It isn't a silly thing, like underwater basket weaving or badminton.

Life is also to be enjoyed in pieces. Bits and bites and beautiful moments. Even the bad--no one can take so much all at once. Most roads turn somewhere. Scenery changes. I've made a point to expect myself to grow with those changes, to enjoy them for their differences. After all, God will made the road--why wouldn't it be beautiful naturally?

I talked last night to a good friend about the journey of finding ourselves. I explained my desires for myself--above all, just wanting to learn how to be Rachel. The realization that I don't really know how to be Rachel, and the urgency I feel about learning who Rachel is and should be.
He talked about having passed that point. One thing that I really admired was his desire to become as good of a man as the Prophets who came before us--but another thing that he told me was that now that he knows who he is, he now has a set image of who he wants to be.
The point here is this: everyone's road looks different. My road looks different than any of my roommate's roads, any of my family's roads, and even will look different than my husband's road someday. Because the journey that I will take will be unique to me and my mindsets and my thoughts--even if my road is parallel to another's road.

So here I am, rambling on about the name of my blog and I haven't really said anything actually.

The point of it is this: Rachel is going There and Back Again.

I began with God, and I'll travel around the world and through my life, ultimately ending up with God again (I hope). This is merely a document of that journey. But--it's not really a document of the things I do. It's a document of the things I think. I'm sure that someday, I'll look back and give you a different definition of what "There and Back Again" means to me. But isn't that the beauty of documenting things?

We document to observe change.

So, in a way, this blog is a document of my change. A document of each shift in perspective that helps get me "back again". A document of the change in my thoughts as I grow up and learn things.

I'd like to end how I began: with Lord of the Rings (I will always be a nerd). Frodo suffered quite a bit, but in the end, he found happiness in himself. That is something I'd like to always keep in mind--no matter how much I suffer, it's never the end. The end will be happy if I persevere and never give up.

It worked for Frodo--why not me?

My Bucket List

Do you know what I really wanna do?

• See something consequential. Like....the Eiffel Tower (that's everyone's first pick) or the doorway in Venice that's in that painting in the MOA. I wanna see the world from the top of a Mayan Pyramid. Something consequential. Like this:

• I wanna plant a rose garden. Really bad. I don't know why.

• Catch a firefly. I have never ever seen a real firefly. I'm gonna catch one someday. In a jar. Old school style.

• I wanna donate an organ. This is kind of a "Seven Pounds" thing. No picture, thankfully, of this one.
• Meet the Prophet. Whoever or whichever it is.
• Make a stranger laugh. Genuinely. I want this person to double over laughing. And not because of an embarrassing occurence.

• I wanna have a baby. I know it'll be hard. I know it'll be uncomfortable. I know I'll never sleep, I'll never not smell like baby puke--I realize this. But there's this scene in Juno...and Jennifer Garner is just sitting there, looking at her beautiful little boy, and it makes a part of me ache...

• I want to change the world. I want to influence a great number of people deeply. I want to share a little bit of how I see the world, because how I see the world is different than the way anyone else sees the world. And I think that....I don't know. I'm just silly. But this one stays on my list anyway.

I feel that God has placed so much potential inside of me. I'm here at BYU, I'm so blessed with such a wonderful family, and I have these gifts--especially this gift for writing. Why should I not fulfill my dreams?

Why should I not seek to become everything and more that I can be?

And why should I be anyone else while I'm doing it? I like who I am. And so does God. That's enough for me.