Right now....
I should be cleaning my room.
I should be doing some reading for class Monday.
I should be walking into the kitchen to fill up my water bottle so I'll stop thinking "dang, I'm thirsty!"
Heck! I should be sleeping.
But I can't stop thinking. So I'm gonna write. Okay, maybe I'll go fill up my water bottle first.
What am I thinking about? I'm thinking about
life.
And where your decisions will eventually take you.
I once had a very good friend. We told each other everything. All the time. But one day while I wasn't looking, he went off and changed completely! The age difference between us wasn't severe then, but now I feel that it is. Everything is just....different.
I can't help but stop and think about him every once in a while. Wonder where he is, what he's doing, and what he's thinking right now. I wonder if he realizes what he's doing with his life, if he knows how all those around him feel, if he knows that I'm thinking of him. He's sort of taken on an "I don't care" mindset with his life, he's very unashamed. I sometimes wonder if that is a mask for his real feelings of guilt. And inevitably, as my mind wanders, I wonder if I ever do this with my life....
Do I fake an unashamed attitude to hide my guilt about anything? My sarcasm? My laziness? My incurable dislike for the dishes?
Another example is the horrible manner in which he treats those closest to him. Those most willing to serve him and give up their time and energy to offer him relief and aid.
At a moment when I was almost consumed with horror over such a selfish attitude--and disbelief over how anyone could possibly be so callous....I was astonished and ashamed to realize that there were people in my life that I treated that way. It was a terribly sad moment for me, but also a moment of determination. I promised myself that I wouldn't allow myself to take those around me for granted any more.
So, in a way, every time I think about this friend of mine, I'm led to a silent reflection on myself. I can't help but almost thank him for that...but at the same time, thinking about it makes me miss him, and not him, but who he used to be...
So the question is: How can I be an influence for good, in a positive way?
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