A Kit Kat

Isn't it funny how such a little thing can completely de-moralize you?

Meet the Kit Kat I've been saving since Christmas Break, for a super special occasion. Well, I suppose this isn't that Kit Kat...cuz I ate that Kit Kat about five minutes ago.

Was it a super special occasion? No. Was it a moment when I felt like I could use a pick-me-up? Yes.

Was it that moment that I'd been waiting for? No. Definitely no.

You have to understand something. Kit Kats are my favorite besides Pretzel M&M's. And I don't eat a lot of candy, really. So a Kit Kat is a big deal. No--a huge deal. I ate all of the others I had in my stocking early on, but when I realized I had only one Kit Kat...I saved it and told myself that I'd eat it on a particularly "rainy day".

I've been thinking a lot about what situations I would eat it in...maybe after my first test....maybe when I finish memorizing all three of my poems for English 292....maybe after I finish fasting on Sunday....or maybe I'll just keep it around and eat it at the moment I feel is right.

Yeah, I understand that I'm psychotic and silly. But bear with me, I have an actual application for this silly story.

Long story short, I was cleaning my desk and shelf up today, and noticed that the Kit Kat was the only item still left in my Ziploc bag I brought home. I thought for a second about the Kit Kat and its sacredness...and then my mind started wandering. Without really thinking about it, I picked up the Kit Kat and opened it and took a bite out of it.

I was sort of horrified when I realized what I had done. Seriously. This is a big deal. I mean, yeah, today hasn't been the greatest day of my life, I've felt uncomfortable and discouraged and overwhelmed and homesick, but I definitely could have lived without that Kit Kat.

And then the thought came to me that....maybe my success in life is directly related to how long I can go without the Kit Kat...

I mean, I know it wasn't intentional, but that doesn't mean that it didn't happen. I can't get the Kit Kat back, and at the precise moment when I think: "This is a Kit Kat  moment!" I'll be disappointed in myself when I remember that it's gone.

I once heard that if you fail in the little things, you'll fail in the big things.

I don't suppose that it means anything to anyone else. No one will be disappointed in me because I ate my Kit Kat at an inadequately special time...but I am disappointed in myself.

One of  my very favorite books, Matched by Allie Condie deals with this same type of situation. Each member of their society is given a little green tablet that will calm them down when they feel overly anxious or nervous. The main character, Cassia, is overjoyed at the immense responsibility that comes with carrying her own green tablet, and is excited about the different situations in which she might choose to take this tablet. But her grandfather says to her:

"I wouldn't take that tablet Cassia, not for a report, and perhaps not ever. You are strong enough to go without it...." 

this is one of the central ideas to the story--through all of the hardships that Cassia endures, she never once takes the green tablet. She tells herself that she will wait for the opportune moment--the moment of absolute, dire need, and she never ends up needing it. She says to herself,


"Grandfather thinks I'm strong enough to go without."

And through her own will-power and faith, she is.

Why was I not strong enough to go without my Kit Kat? What other things in my life am I unable to go without simply because I do not have the strength to push against their influence?

And with this train of thought comes a resolution. I will resist--I will be strong and NOT eat my Kit Kats before the right time (Literal and Figurative--stay with me here). I will be exactly the kind of person I admire.

Because...what could be sadder than this sitting on your desk?