These Times

I know a lot of people who are struggling right now, including myself.

I get on Facebook and just feel sad at the sometimes silent battles that I see. Why do we have to struggle? Why do others have to be selfish? Why can't we forgive ourselves? Why do we try so hard to fight against things that we can't change?

I think there are a few things that are important to remember during times such as these.

First, that we are more than we think. Most people have more power in their lives than they would ever dream of exercising. We have the power to transcend the things that happen to us, to define ourselves as something more, something infinite, something untouchable. We don't have to let sorrow consume our lives, we don't have to stop moving because we tripped over the hurdle.

We can always say: "I made a mistake. But that does not mean it is who I am." If we choose to allow ourselves to move on despite our mistakes, then they truly won't be who we are, they'll be a spot on our timeline. But if we choose to sit and dwell on them--agonize and withhold forgiveness from ourselves--then they will indeed become who we are. That is the beauty of being you--you define you. You can choose what you do and who you are.

I heard a line in a song that says "These times will try hard to define me / But I will hold my head up high / these times are hard / but they will pass"


Second, that Heavenly Father knows us and will not let us suffer more than we can bear. It says this in the scriptures multiple times, but I still don't think that people realize this. So many people say "I know that my trials strengthen me. I am grateful for them" and then cave under pressure and lose their faith when they are called upon to prove their statement--I'm included in this. Because, let's face it.

Trials are hard.

Sometimes, in the midst of a trial, it takes all I have to get up in the morning and face myself in the mirror. Everything I do feels frustrating--why can't anyone see me hurting inside? What do simple tasks like the dishes really matter when my heart is breaking and my life is falling apart?

I've even asked myself why others feel the need to laugh when they can't see what others are suffering. When I was in the 3rd grade, my parents divorced. I hated that school year, and unfortunately, I remember too many things about it. I remember a lot of times when I'd smile at someone and get a sneer and a snicker instead of the warmth I so badly needed. I spent a lot of time by myself in class, at lunch and recess, simply because being alone felt better than getting made fun of because my hair was messy or my pants were too short. They had no idea what I was feeling, and it hurt me that they didn't bother to find out.

But Heavenly Father took me in his arms and showed me that I was strong enough to withstand their judgments. That I was strong enough to see myself through this trial. That I was strong enough to make it through the sorrow. That things would look up someday.

And He was right. Today, I am okay. Things got better. My hurt healed. Which brings me to my last point.

Christ knows what we suffer. We are not alone.

This video was shown in my Book of Mormon class today, and it is definitely worth your time to watch. It is such an accurate portrayal of the way things stand. It just kills me to hear about people who suffer without any hope for relief...

It hurts my heart that there are people who don't understand the thing that I hold most dear--The Atonement. That Christ took upon him, one by one, each of our pains and sorrows.

He knows how you feel.

No matter what you feel. No matter what you suffer. No matter how disappointed you are. No matter what you have done.

He feels it, too. He won't try to lessen your pain. He won't try to tell you not to feel hurt. He'll simply wrap you in his arms and give you peace in your trial.

When you are lost and hurt, you can be found. He will never leave you alone. Of this, I have a very tender testimony. I have found it in those moments when I didn't feel like I could go on. When it hurt to breathe because my heart was tearing in two. When I was consumed in guilt and shame, when I felt that I couldn't ever possibly be forgiven or loved.

One of my favorite places in the world is on Temple Square, in the North Visitor's Center. There they have the Christus statue in the upstairs room with all the stars and galaxies and clouds painted on the ceilings and walls. It is the most magnificent thing, and every time I see it, it takes my breath away. I am struck by the simple beauty that the statue holds, and the intense reverence it inspires in me. I stand in front of the statue and think "This is my Savior. Someday I will stand like this, but it will really be Him."

At a wedding once, I was in charge of taking care of the little ones while the adults were inside. My sweet little two year old brother, Ryker, and I were chilling in the Visitor's Center at the IF Temple next to their Christus Statue, and all of a sudden, Ryker wiggled out of my arms and walked over to it. He just stood there for a moment, his little face turned up towards Christ with an expression of uncharacteristic reverence. He looked over at me, back up at Christ, and then whispered to me:

"Rachel. That's Jesus."

What better witness could I ask for? I lifted him up so that he could gently touch the prints in Christ's hands--and Ryker very clearly understood what was going on. He just kept saying "that's Jesus. He's Jesus."

I know that Christ lives. I know that He loves me. I cannot wait for the day when I can stand before Him and say "I was not perfect, Lord. But I loved you, and I never stopped trying, even when I hurt."

Because sometimes it will hurt. Sometimes we cannot control everything. This life was meant to be difficult. But we can do it. The Savior is on our side.

If there was one thing I could share with everyone I know, it would be my testimony of Christ and his atoning power.

"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer" D&C 19:16

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands" 1 Nephi 21:16

"Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world." 3 Nephi 11:15

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." St Matthew 11:28

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoseoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." St John 3:16