You see this right here? This is the most beautiful thing on the earth. This is my family (at its finest, might I add) and this is the thing that I value most above everything else that exists. I am always gonna try to live my life in a way that will allow me to keep this--and to have one of these for my own someday!
Anyway. Last week, my home teachers (best ever, just saying) challenged me to pray out loud four times this week. I just think I should say that this, for some reason, scares the heck out of me. Voicing feelings out loud? Freaky. I feel silly. I feel like I'm talking to a wall, which only crazy people do.
Every day this week, I told myself that I'd do it tomorrow. I'd pray out loud tomorrow. I'd prepare myself for that tomorrow. And finally, Friday rolled around.
I woke up feeling awful. Lonely. Sad. Worthless. In need of some love.
I dragged through my first classes. I could feel something heavy, right in the pit of my stomach, and it wouldn't get lighter, it wouldn't stop choking me. I finally sat down on my bed, defeated, and it was at this moment that I remembered the challenge, and, reluctantly, I knelt down and began to pray,
barely audibly.
The spirit immediately rushed into the room, and I cried! I can count the amount of times that I've cried here at BYU on one hand. It's not something I do lightly. But I did. And....I found myself putting every hurt that I had into words, and somewhere in there, I began pleading:
"Heavenly Father, please help me to know that you love me."
I was sitting there in my room, crying, barely managing to form coherent words, and metaphorically stretching myself towards heaven, and I realized something. Peace began to fill me, and I realized that I should feel this level of confidence every time I pray. Every time I fold my arms, I should feel like I'm sitting down to have a conversation with the Lord.
It was very intimate and peaceful. And....
as soon as I got up, my phone buzzed, and I got a text from my Mom that simply said
"I love you Rachel"
And it was then that I realized that Heavenly Father loved me, and that everyone around me just bore testament to that fact. The people that love and care for me were sent by Him. It was a very sweet message.
I'm grateful that my Mom listened to the Spirit and texted me right then.
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